The hey-days of all night parties and boozy lunches that roll until midnight are a hazy memory. Bank holiday weekends with kids is a whole new level of stamina. If you’re impressed you can rave til dawn the baby all-nighter is going to push you to the edge…and then some.
THE ALL NIGHTER:
Before kids: You excitedly round up your friends and book tickets to that event you’ve been eyeballing for months. It looks epic! Your favourite DJs are playing. You buy a new outfit and a pair of awesome shoes. You dance your ass off, until sunrise. You love life. You bounce off home with a massive grin on your face. You have no worries, you’ll sleep all day. One of the best nights of your life.
After kids: Your baby won’t settle in her cot, the poor lamb isn’t feeling well. “Lets bring her downstairs,” you suggest to your husband. “She just needs a cuddle and will nod off in our arms”. Suddenly, BAM… it’s 1am. You’re pacing your bedroom, rocking, singing, hugging, lying down, standing up, nothing is working. The Baby All-Nighter is in full swing. Your eyeballs are stinging; you’re so tired you could cry. 2am passes, 3am, then 4am. Eventually you all fall to sleep, it’s light outside. You guess it’s 5am, but can’t face the reality of checking. One of the worse nights of your life.
Before kids: You’re having the best night ever. You’re giddy. You have a really deep connection with your friends. You tell them you love them, for the third time. But you REALLY do! You feel euphoric and hug everyone. The world is an amazing place. You chat animatedly about how you must do this more often. Life’s like an Enid Blyton adventure. You feel so happy.
After kids: You’re so stressed and tired you could scream. You’ve been awake now for nearly 24 hours. At the peak of the madness you have a fight with your partner. You’re both full of desperation, which quickly turns to hate. You yell hideous things, which you both instantly regret. You’re now sheepish and needy. You feel so pathetic.
Before kids: You hear about a friend of a friend who ended up in A&E after a massive night out, the poor sod. You tell a story about someone you knew from school who got so messed up in Ibiza he collapsed in the road and got run over. The chance of you ending up in hospital is slim.
After kids: You’ve never spent bank holiday weekend in A&E until now. It’s just as depressing as you imagined. You try and stay upbeat for your poorly baby, who is completely oblivious to all the drama, just crawling around on the floor, picking up sweet wrappers. Most of your mummy friends have been in this situation. You knew it was only a matter of time.
Before kids: You roll out of bed at noon and scroll through your phone. It’s full of comedy photos of you and your mates getting wasted and having fun. You laugh out loud at a ridiculous picture of your best friend’s Wine Face. You upload them to Facebook, tagging your pals. You wish you could start the weekend all over again. Smiley face with sunglasses emoji
After kids: Your baby finally decides to have his morning nap, you’re exhausted, it’s only 11am. You make a cuppa and scroll through Facebook. Your childless friends are posting photos at festivals, house parties, boozy lunches that turn into afternoon benders. You post a mushy status and photo of your adorable, toothless child holding a rabbit at a local farm. Big red heart emoji.
Before kids: The reality of work tomorrow is looming. You’re knackered, getting up for work fills you with fear. How will you get through Tuesday with a two-day hangover? Whose idea was it to have tequila slammers at 4am? Oh yeah, yours. You feel sick
After kids: Roll on Tuesday morning, when you drop your little treasure off at nursery. You’ll let out a sigh of relief that you made it through and you and your husband are still talking (it was touch and go). You know after a few hours (OK, one) you’ll miss your baby but for now the thought of nursery makes you smile. You feel content